The heart of a helper.

Have you ever felt guilty about wanting time for yourself? Well I experience that often, and I know I am not alone. I am a caregiver, a mom, a wife and I always seem to stress, and worry about the entire universe, before I worry about myself. Don't get me wrong I love helping others, it is in my nature There are just times when I place the weight of the world upon my shoulders and it gets to heavy to bare. I can't see someone doing bad, struggling or hurting and not feel compelled to help. However that need to help, sometimes puts myself in a position where I feel over burdened. Remember there is a difference, I am not being asked to help, I feel the need to help. I can always seem to find time, or a reason to help someone else, but helping myself I never have time for. Can anyone relate to this? Like right now, I know there is someone who desperately needs my help, and I can make a decision to help them, but that decision will cause me stress and aggravation in the long run, but because it is someone I love, it is hard not to help. Here is a great little article I read, I think I will try it to see if it will work for me. http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=1657&page=3

Life is about choices

Life is funny, it's all about how you look At things, how your receive things, and How we choose to handle things. No one has a perfect life, even your favorite Stars, and entertainers, we all have good and Bad life experiences. It's about how we choose to allow Our circumstances affect our lives that make All the difference. You can take multiple people and Have them all face the same obstacle In life and one may get mad and complain, One may say "oh well, I can't change it So why get mad", and yet another may Say how can I get through this and keep Pressing on despite the challenges. This is the same with all life experiences, we all have a choice on how we choose To allow things affect us. So before you get upset, and allow things to Disrupt your life think; Can I change it? Is it worth worrying about? How can I overcome this? Take time to assess the situation And don't allow temporary situations To alter your life permanently. VSJ~ The Postal Pen

Taking back your power

Are you a pushover? Do you seem to be too nice? Are you always getting taken advantage of? Well if this is the case you need to take back your power. Sometimes it is ok to be nice, but there are some who will take your kindness for weakness. If you notice that people only come around when they need something from you, but when they are doing good, you don't hear from them. If you have a hard time of telling people NO, but realize when you need people they are nowhere to be found you need to regain your power. You are giving too much of yourself, your putting yourself in a position to be used, It's ok to help other's but to a certain extent. Some people are out to use you, and knowing that you are kind hearted, always willing to help and go out your way for others could be the result of you being an easy target. 5 Ways to take back your power 1- Set Boundaries When it comes to family and friends you often feel it you say NO it will hurt their feelings, saying NO is healthy, and sometimes very needed. If you tell them NO you can assist in helping them figure out solutions to help themselves, or guide them in the right direction to find the help they need. YOU are NOT, the solution, say NO with no guilt. You can't save the world and keep your sanity. 2-SAY NO! You can say NO without feeling guilty. Why should you burden yourself to help someone else then feel bad about it later? If saying yes, causes you stress, puts you in a situation that is not quite comfortable, or places a financial burden on you, then say NO. We must learn that it is OK for us to say NO. We can no please people all of the time, it is not selfish it is just sensible. 3-Don't give an answer right away Often times when someone is asking something of you, we are put in a situation to give an answer right away. NEVER say yes or agree to something because you are backed up against a wall. Tell the person,:(A few examples) 1- I can not make an informed decision right now. 2- Let me think about it, and get back to you. 3- I need to review my calendar to see if this works for me, I will get back to you. 4- I have to check with my family to see if this works for me Always buy yourself time to make an informed decision. NEVER make a decision based on their needs but first check to see if what is being asked of you, works for you. 4- Don't feel guilty I know if your a nice person, that you want people to like you, but you have to realize that people will not always like you all of the time. You do NOT have to constantly do things for others just to gain their respect, LIKE or friendship. It is OK, to say NO. We should not have to compromise our time, life, family, finances or anything else to make someone else's life easier. Say NO without guilt, if you were not there for them to ask, I am sure they would either: A- Ask someone else or, B- Find a way to do it themselves. 5-Don't be a people pleaser Live your life to be happy, not make others happy while your stressed, miserable or being put out of your way. Many people ask for others to do things for them, because they know that it is hard for others to say NO. Especially if you are that kind hearted person, always going above and beyond for someone else. People need to hear the word NO, it is a part of life. Practice these response's below: "I am sorry, but at this time I will not be able to help you", maybe you should ________________________. " I would love to help you, but at this time I have my own financial situation I am working on". "If I was going that way, I would surely give you a lift, but I have something I have to attend to, and it is in the opposite direction" "I am sorry, but I can't attend your event on that day, I have already made plans" " I am sorry you can't find a sitter, but I will not be able to watch your kids that day, I have already committed to something on that day" "I can't answer that question at this time, give me some time to think about it and get back to you" "When I get home, I will check my schedule, and see if I am open to help on that day" Learn to say NO, politely, but learn to say it! Also learn to Never say YES to something that you know you don't want to do. Until next time, The Postal Pen~