Sisterhood of Like Minded Individuals

It is imperative that we have bonds with other females. A sisterhood of like minded individuals that are ultimately after the same goal, and don't mind helping one another get to the top. I appreciate women helping women and this short blog is just to give appreciation to a few women who are constantly helping others along the way. AUTHOR SHARNEL WILLIAMS, Author Nicole Martin, Yara Kaleemah, Authoress Crystal Alexis, Treats N Things Author LSO, and My Kinda Thing. Thank You Ladies for all seeing the ultimate vision Success.🙏

Do you know your a Queen?

When a person needs others to validate their worth and who they are, they need to develop self love. Obviously if you need to hear from others that you are beautiful, that you are intelligent, worthy, and capable then you don't believe in yourself enough to make it on your own. So many people say they love themselves yet their entire world is turned upside down when either they don't have a man, or they have a failed relationship. We as women need to know that self love is the best love, when we love ourselves we can be strong, we can make it through anything, and truth be said, God has made us bendable, but not breakable, We can make it through anything. We must trust in ourselves to know that we can accomplish anything and everything we set our minds to, that power to achieve resides in us. It is our faith that allows us to hold on, to persevere and reach whatever goals we set for ourselves. This includes relationships. If we continue to get into relationships where we are abused, disrespected, used, treated unfairly, talked down to and more we must stop and look at ourselves. Why are we allowing these types of men into our lives? Why don't we feel that we deserve better? Why is it ok for a man to degrade, humiliate, speak to you disrespectfully or even put their hands on you. I don't know about anyone else, but I am a Queen. If others don't see me as such,that has no bearings on how I view myself. I shall not, will not ever allow a man to call me anything other than my name, I don't joke with females in that way either. I respect women as women, and will never call my friends a B%#*!, or any other derogatory name. If we do it to one another, or even ourselves, how can you get mad if a man calls you out your name when you call yourself a Boss B%#*!,? Well I write this to say, we as women must love ourselves, respect ourselves, and one another, and expect anyone and everyone we encounter to treat us as the Queens God intended for us to be.

Be a lover of life, and people

When others are looking at you from the outside they can only speculate and assume they know you. More often than not, many won't take the time to get to know you. I love getting to know people. I find people very interesting, and I always seem to learn something from everyone I meet. Sometimes it's good things, and sometimes not so good but you do learn from everyone you meet. We are all books so to speak, we all have a story. If I could share my book with the world it would be titled, The Woman who loved Fully. I put my all into those I love. I am a lover of people, places and things that matter. I live each day with a smile, with dreams and thoughts of happiness. I embrace life, and don't dwell on the negative things that seem to consume the minds and lives of many. I am a believer in what you put out in the universe is reflected in your life. If you give, share, respect and embrace love, the universe will reflect that in your life. It is often important to look at our lives and what we are going through, if it is more bad than good, take a look at the life you are living, and change what we are putting out into the universe.

It's ok to be alone

I realize that No one wants to be alone. However, many are using poor judgment when choosing a companion. Gods plan is not for us to be alone but too many people are not waiting on God, following his path or listening for his instructions. How do you know that you are off path? If your relationship is constantly putting you through, if your giving chance after chance and things still don't seem to be any better, it may be signs that you are not where God wants you to be. Now listen close because I'm not saying that in a relationship you don't endure, because everyone goes through trails and tribulations but trust there is a difference in arguing over not spending enough time together, not helping out around the house, not rubbing your back or being more attentive and someone cheating time and time again, someone who is not a team player in the relationship and leaving you with a heavy burden, someone who is controlling, obsessive and or abusive physically, emotionally, verbally or mentally. We can not change anyone, we can only change ourselves and we will either change to know what we want and deserve or we can change to fit into someone else's world and make them happy. Changing ourselves to benefit someone else is never the right choice. We also can not change someone else no matter how hard we try, that person has to want and be willing to make changes themselves to benefit themselves not for another person. Everlasting change is change that we want for ourselves, changing for someone else is always temporary because when things don't work out they revert back to themselves until the next candidate comes along that requires you to change for them. Sometimes GOD wants us to be alone, he wants us to wait, be still, meditate on his word, stop and listen to his instructions and he will place the right person in our path. Don't allow a need to be with someone make you choose just anyone. SheUplifts, The Postal Pen VSJ~

It's worth it!

Life is a beautiful thing, but in living that life we encounter lots of things, both good and bad. I am a positive happy go lucky person, but I am very aware of life and all that life can put us through. My focus is to stay happy, uplift others and inspire others to believe in themselves, believe that all things are possible, and that they can control how they react to things. I am that person who loves to see everyone happy, and I worry about others.I know I cannot save the world But that doesn't stop me from wanting to. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with worry, holding the weight of the world on my shoulders and in my mind. It's kind of stressful, but then I know that God doesn't put on us more than we can bare. I pray my way through the worry, the stress and the thoughts of all that I would like to do, but me being only one person, only me how can I possibly accomplish all the things that are in my heart, my head and in my soul. My faith will allow me to do as much as I can, it will help me to make it as far as God has laid out my path and when things get tough I know I can always depend on him. It's just so hard to be strong, so hard to maintain the weight Of the world on my shoulders, so hard to keep it all together when it all seems like so much. Through it all I say it's worth it, it's worth every struggle, every challenge and all the worry in the world, if I can save not only my kids but to touch the lives of many. WHAT IS WORTH THE STRUGGLE FOR YOU?

What do you do, to get you through the storm?

Have you ever set goals and didn't reach them? Have you ever started something and didn't finish? Well it occasionally happens to us all. Never allow a temporary setback to keep you from reaching your dream. The devil is always busy and his goal is to throw us off path. Falling down, is a natural thing, many of us set our minds to do things and life gets in the way, causing us to stumble, fall, or come to a complete halt. That doesn't mean we can not get back to our lives, pick up where we left off and complete our goals. Whenever I hit a rough patch in life, I pray. I pray letting God know my problems, I pray that he gets me through, and I pray for the strength and courage to follow my course. Praying is a big part of my life,it helps me to stay connected, and to keep calm when the storms arise.Prayer is my connection with God. I learned a long time ago that prayer helps me to keep my connection with God, to get me through hard times, and to keep me at a level of sanity and calm. Everyone has their techniques on what they do to stay calm, Mine is through prayer, what is yours? Yoga, meditating? Reading, Exercise or what?

She Uplifts (The Postal Pen): How I experience Joy

She Uplifts (The Postal Pen): How I experience Joy: Life is short and over the years I have learned that you have to create your own happiness. It is a plus when you have someone who makes y...

How I experience Joy

Life is short and over the years I have learned that you have to create your own happiness. It is a plus when you have someone who makes you happy, but even then, they will not make you happy all the time. I create my happiness, I do this by being mindful of how I react to things that can potentially make me unhappy. Life affects us all, there will be countless incidents and occasions that will alter our mood and our feelings but when we CHOOSE to be happy despite the situations is where we take back our power. I encounter things all the time that make me upset or unhappy, but I say to myself You can let this continue to make you miserable for the entire day, or you can say this too shall pass (I love this saying), and know that God has handled much worse situations in my life and brought me from the bottom to the top every time. You see you have to believe that you are in control of your emotions, you have to have faith that GOD is bigger than any Storm (Life situations) that comes your way. Choose to be happy, Choose to experience joy. Walk in Joy/ Not Chaos, VSJ~

Some people need validation.

In life everyone needs and wants to feel important, but not all of us need that from just anyone. Usually it is someone you love, like your spouse, parents, your child. Many men and women feel the need to gain attention of people on the outside rather than getting that attention at home. One should not need to have an other human being make them feel special. You should have confidence in who you are as a person. When you learn to love yourself and accept yourself you have less of a need to have someone else validate you as a person. So even when someone is in a marriage/relationship if you are not getting what you need at home, you should address that with your spouse/partner and work that out amongst yourself. Don't turn to another male or female with your problems, or to make you feel better about yourself. That only brings more drama and confusion into the situation. People are on the outside looking in like animals waiting to prey on other animals. When a person see's that there is a crack in your foundation, they always feel it is a way for them to slip into the cracks. Keep your foundation strong by repairing all cracks with the person you are in a relationship with, not seeking the advice of others. Pray and keep your union sealed with the word of God. God gives and takes away, so if you are not taking care of the person that God gifted to you, and they walk out of your life, you have no one to blame but yourself. RELATIONSHIPS take WORK, you can not keep a relationship going strong by slacking off and thinking it will be nurtured, nourished and cared for on it's own. Talk is cheap and only actions prove what your intentions really are.

Who do you turn to?

I am never at a loss for words, I can express myself with no hesitation. When life throws us curve balls, obstacle, storms,and disappointments it is sometimes hard to understand why. Often those times hit us when we least expect it, but we must always look at life on a half full point of view. Sometimes the things that happen is God's way of showing us something, protecting us from something, or preparing us for something. We may not always understand what is going on, but always trust in God, because just the way he brings us to it, he will bring us through it. Feeling the need to release a balloon with a message attached, and watching it rise up to the Father. When life hits me, I turn to prayer, I never allow things to take me out of my peaceful place, God is my Rock, and when I am confused, unsure, feeling lost he comforts me, guides me and protects me. Who do you turn to, or what do you do when life hands you an unexpected circumstance?

Living despite the obstacles

I feel it is important to keep a positive state of mind no matter what you encounter in life. We must not allow the negativity of others to influence our lives, nor allow a bad circumstance to alter our paths. Many of us, have a path in which we are trying to follow, goals, dreams, a calling and the devil is busy so there will be obstacles that will come up, from time to time, and if we allow it to distract us, we will be thrown off course. Life hits us at the most unexpected times, things like loss of a job, loss of a loved one, financial issues and even health issue. However;we must always remember that EVERYONE, faces the same challenges at some point in their lives. It is how we handle what we face that makes us or breaks us. Have you ever notices that when some people lose a job it is the end of the world? They fall apart, get depressed, don't know what to do or how they will make it. Yet others, they handle things differently. They feel when one door closes, another will open, they keep faith in a higher power and believe that all things happen for a reason, and they wait in patience knowing that something better is on it's way. I am also a believer that a negative attitude, brings about more negativity. When I am having a not so great day, I turn things around by thinking about the things I am blessed with, the things that make me happy, and force the negative thoughts, or emotions away. Despite what you believe you are in control of your emotions. Choose to be happy, choose to receive joy, abundance, peace, love and kindness. If you want to be happy, YOU MUST BE HAPPY!, VSJ~ AKA She Uplifts, The Postal Pen Here are a few books I highly recommend.

JMO- Just My Opinion

Today I will be speaking on relationships. I am in no way an expert or pretend to be. I just observe what I see and base my opinions on what I am seeing. I feel that many are getting into relationships too soon, without first getting to know the person they are dating before jumping into titles and commitments. It takes time to get to know anyone, whether its a friend, significant other. People are dating and in a few weeks they are already claiming a title, what do you really know about someone in a matter of weeks? Even months can go by and you still may not know who you are really dating. Some people let their wall down and give themselves up to another very quickly where others it may take years for the wall to slowly come down. It is important to take your time, do your research, yes! Investigate who you are getting involved with. Meet their family before having children with them. Some people have bad past experiences that if not dealt with correctly can carry over into your present situation. A person who has been abused, and have not sought out the help they need, or maybe they were an abuser but never gotten counseling, these are situations that will eventually surface in the future. If your dating someone who has cheated on everyone they have ever dated, but you feel your special and it won't happen with you, chances are your fooling yourself. Sometimes the idea of being in a relationship, the idea of being in love, the idea of having someone to call your own is so overpowering that it leads us to latch on to what we think is the real thing, but we realize later on that what we did was jump into a situation that we thought we could make into what we wanted. ( I hope you understand what I just said). Scenario #1 You just met a man or woman on Monday, sleep with him (and I am stretching this out), on Wednesday, on Friday that is your boyfriend/girlfriend, and on Monday of the following week your posting I love my man/woman. Don't you think that is too soon? RED FLAG- Slow down, your rushing things get to know him/her take your time, what do you know about his/her past sexual history? Scenario #2 You meet her Monday, sleep with her the same week. He is already claiming your his girl, he starts to tell you he doesn't like your friends and wants you to stop hanging out with them, he says your beautiful, but doesn't want you to wear certain clothing, he calls you many times a day, has to know what your doing at all times. You think it's cute; "Awe, he misses me, or Awe he is jealous that means he loves me". RED FLAG- Potential controller, stalker, abuser. Scenario #3 Signs of jealousy, control and anger is present, but overall he/she is a sweet loving person. You feel I can change him/her. All they need is love, it will all be ok. RED FLAG- Be aware of the warning signs. Broken people need help, professional help. They can't be fixed with love. Scenario #4 I love him, but he has a record. He can't seem to get a job, it's ok I will hold him down. Love is about more than money. I work, pay the bills and as long as he loves me we are good. I find this to be a trend now, many woman are working taking care of men who are not working, calling them "A MAN", in some instances it is ok, for the man to stay home, take care of the kids, and the house and be Mr.Mom, However if he is home all day, running the streets or laid up doing nothing all day and waiting for you to come home, buy the food, cook the food and take care of him. RED FLAG- Your raising up a lazy man. The bible says if a man don't work, he don't eat. I think this is the same for a man. A man should not be with a woman who has no motivation to do more in life. JMO (Just my opinion).

In my feelings, Life is so much more.

Some days I get so emotional about things that matter to me. It is not a bad thing, I just strongly feel that many of the young children growing up behind us are lost.

I feel they need direction, support, guidance, and inspiration. If they are shown more than what they see on TV, videos, in songs and in the world they might actually have some hope. Many of the youth are not exposed to anything except what they see on TV or the lyrics they listen to. What happened to teaching our children about culture, diversity, showing them that there is more to life than the city, town they live in. I remember raising my kids, taking them to museums, taking them on trips outside of where we lived and allowing them to explore life through literature. Today if a child is not glued to a video game, music video or a computer, they are not having fun. They don't know what it is to have fun!Teach a child that life has so much to offer, let them know that traveling, exploring the world and positive opportunities opens doors, it opens their minds to life and what's out there. Make family time a ritual, weekly outings with your children, taking them to some place new and somewhere they can learn and gain knowledge. If a child grows up and all they see is the same thing over and over again, how do you expect them to be any different from what they see on a daily basis? We must broaden their chances of not being like the masses by means of exposure. Expose your child to more then the latest fashion. Life is much more than how fly, how much swag or style our kids have. Just thinking out loud.

You are more!

Life is funny, many people judge you by how you look, how you dress, the shape of your body, the size of your clothing and the job you hold. I think life is about way more than that. You can have a good job and be unhappy, have a beautiful face and body, and be unhappy and unhealthy, you can be the perfect size and still be unhappy. I have seen many judge family, friends based on who looks the best, whose shape is better, whose hair texture is better or hair is longer. I want to believe that I am more than my size, my hair, my shape, my dress, my job or what people use to judge from the outside looking in. I want to be known for my personality, how I treat others, how I love my friends and family, how I impact the world through my encouraging words, how I uplift my fellow sister's and brother's, how I raise my kids, how I am a great wife. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I want God to be my beholder. I am so much more than what you see on the outside, and so are you. Let your actions, your walk, your deeds show who you are. Be blessed and make a positive difference in the world. 'VSJ, She Uplifts, aka The Postal Pen.

What I do won't make me rich, but it makes me happy.

I often say that "what I do, won't make me rich, but it makes me happy". I say this because to me, it is important to do what makes me happy. Many look to get rich, I look to of course make a profit, but I am not trying to get rich. I love what I do, and the reward of being Happy doing what I do, far greater exceeds the rewards I gain financially. Money is good, we need it to pay bills, feed ourselves and our families, but being happy is richness, it is a blessing, it is a far greater reward in my opinion. I know that many disagree with that because if they had a choice of being happy and being rich, many will choose to be rich, because they feel money will buy or make them happy. What are your thoughts? I love feedback.

A Mother's Love

When a mother love she loves hard she loves strong she loves deeply she loves unconditionally

I wanted to write about how a mother loves because, our mother's are the first to love us. A mother carries us inside of her for nine months, and in those nine months she already starts to bond and fall in love with us. A mother is our first caregivers, she is the one who is there to hold, nurture, comfort and protect us. Not everyone has a mother who has guided them on the right path, some people are close to their mother's and others are not. Since a mother is that first female relationship that we have in our lives do you think it affects how we handle future relationships with other females? We learn to trust our mother's, and some mother's were not good mother's. Some mother's don't show love, are hard on the child, abusive, mentally, verbally and physically. Some mother's don't act like mother's at all. If you had a bad relationship with your mother don't let it ruin your relationship with your own children. We all have choices in life, we can either be like our mother's good or bad, or we can be our own person, and love our children, despite how we were treated. Being a mother doesn't come with a handbook, there are no perfect mother's out there, but you have the choice to be the best mother you can. So love fully, deeply, strongly and unconditionally.

She Uplifts (The Postal Pen): Encourage the Dreamer

She Uplifts (The Postal Pen): Encourage the Dreamer: We must be careful how we speak to our children, many times we can be discouraging them instead of encouraging them. We are not to determ...

Encourage the Dreamer

We must be careful how we speak to our children, many times we can be discouraging them instead of encouraging them. We are not to determine our children's dream, they are to figure out themselves what it is they want in life, and what they desire to do. Don't get me wrong, we can expose them to different things so that they have a wide range of ideas, or interest but we are not to choose for them. Just a thought: If your son says he wants to be a baseball player, don't brush it off as if it is a far fetched dream, put him in little league, encourage him as long as he shows interest, that may lead to the high school baseball team, maybe college and if he excels and is good at the sport, he could possibly become a professional player. The only dream that is not achievable is the one you never go after. If your daughter says she wants to become an actress, and you see she is really interested put her in acting classes, encourage her to join the drama department in school, take her to open auditions for roles in plays locally and away if possible. It may lead to her actually getting parts in small or large productions. My point in all of this is never shoot down your children's dreams, when we are children it is then when we dream with no limits, as we get older we allow fear, doubt and negative response's from others to discourage us in following our dreams. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS US. NEVER lose your ability to dream, and never discourage those who still believe they CAN do all and be all.

Learning to trust, after trust is broken

When your trust is broken, it takes time to build that trust up again and in some instances it is never rebuilt. In life we put our trust in everyone we know, from friends to family members to the people you date and eventually marry. We put our trust in our parents, our teachers and any other adult figure we have in our lives. Often times that trust is broken by those we love, family members who give promises they can't or don't keep, friends who we trust and confide in who in the end betray our trust. Sometimes it's our own children who lie to us, and betray us. No matter who it is that breaks your trust, it is a hurtful feeling, and in some instances that trust will never be the same again. Sometimes we can forgive and forget, sometimes we forgive, yet never forget, and sometimes we just can't move past the pain. What are your thoughts on trusting after, your trust is broken? My opinion is to forgive and move on, I never hold grudges because I feel it consumes too much of my energy and I am a positive person who doesn't waste time on negativity or things that are not productive. Pray, forgive, and let it go. That doesn't mean you allow yourself to be betrayed again, it just means you won't allow the mistakes of others to burden you. Walk in Joy/Not Chaos, She Uplifts, aka The Postal Pen

We must love ourselves

I have a strong desire to uplift and motivate girls to be more confident, have higher self-esteem and a higher level of respect for themselves. I feel that if we can uplift the young girls growing up and help to build them into more confident individuals we will have more women in the world who will have a greater sense of self. Many women say they are self confident, that they love themselves, and respect themselves yet they allow themselves to be taken advantage of, used, and disrespected. The same women who say they are strong women are the same women allowing a man to mistreat them, staying with a man who abuses you, cheats on you or verbally puts you down shows the total opposite, it doesn't show your strength but it shows your weakness. I don't know if it is their insecurity that is keeping them in relationships that weigh them down, or is it their lack of self-esteem that keeps them holding on? Many women feel they are nothing without a man, they feel if they don't have a man, then their world is turned upside down. If they learn to love themselves, they will learn that they have more value in who they are besides being someone's girl, wife, or significant other. It is a good thing to have a soul mate, a husband, someone to share your life with but it is not healthy to love a man more than you love yourself. Self love is the greatest love of all, aside from your love for God.

To be or not to be a friend?

Everybody needs somebody. I sometimes here people say they don't need anyone, I don't believe that to be true. Everyone needs someone. God made us to love one another and loving one another also means that we need each other. Now granted we don't need everyone, but we do need people in our lives. Sometimes the person or people you can rely on are family but sometimes that person may be a friend or a few friends. It is hard to find genuine friendships in life, as everyone who you think is a friend may not actually be a friend. There is a difference between friends, associates, and frienemies (I know that's not a real word) lol I do believe we were created to have friendships, but It is important to to know the difference between a real friend and people who portray themselves as friends. In some cases your family is your friends, they are the one's who are always there, the ones who you can call and depend on no matter whatever you are going through. However sometimes an outside person that you have grown to know, who has shown you loyalty and friendship and who has been more like family than your own family, they may be the one you turn to in your time of need. Many women are often envious of other women, jealous about their lives, their jobs, the way they dress, look or their relationships. I believe that if we as women spent more time building one another up, instead of tearing each other down, their would be more genuine friendships. I believe that we as women go through so much, and no one knows more about what a woman goes through than another woman. I feel we should be each other's greatest supporters, we should be that comfort, that positive force that keeps each other going. As women many of us look at each other in judgement, without even knowing each other. Many look at another woman and they say; "I don't like her", how can you not like someone you don't even know? What about that woman don't you like when you have not even had a conversation to get to know her? Another thing women do is make a judgement on another woman based on what someone else has told them. Get to know someone for yourself before you form an opinion about someone. It really is not fair to take someone else's word without first finding out for yourself if that person is of good character or not. How would you like to be judged without even being given a chance? Smile, because happiness begins with you, VSJ~ AKA She Uplifts, The Postal Pen~

You are beautiful

You are beautiful Even when you don't see it You are beautiful even when no one tells you

You are beautiful Know that within you is a light so bright It could light the darkest corner of the earth you have a glow, an essence about you that shines the love you have inside of you is worth more than you realize it is not to be given away to just anyone your worth is valuable don't ever let anyone tell you anything different your existence is no mistake God created you, you were uniquely designed you are someone, you mean something, and you matter so know that you are beautiful inside and out and most importantly God loves you. VSJ~ SheUplifts~

Are you trusting God in all things?

I was going through a life altering decision, and a talking with a friend on Facebook, she told me I need to let go and let God. Now I know this oh too well, yet I realize that when it comes to the big decisions in my life, I tend to still worry. I wonder why is it that when I go through smaller things, I let go and let God, but big things I hold on to. It is not that I don't trust God, I just find that with major life altering decisions I worry more, which makes it harder for me to fully let go. I know God is more than capable of handling ALL things so there is no need for me to hold on to worry and fear. I am learning more and more day by day to pray and trust in God. I know that he is the head of my life and he guides my path. knowing that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, is such a relaxed feeling. So think about your own life and ask yourself, are you trusting God in ALL things? or only somethings? Smile, for happiness begins with you, VSJ~ aka The Postal Pen~

The heart of a helper.

Have you ever felt guilty about wanting time for yourself? Well I experience that often, and I know I am not alone. I am a caregiver, a mom, a wife and I always seem to stress, and worry about the entire universe, before I worry about myself. Don't get me wrong I love helping others, it is in my nature There are just times when I place the weight of the world upon my shoulders and it gets to heavy to bare. I can't see someone doing bad, struggling or hurting and not feel compelled to help. However that need to help, sometimes puts myself in a position where I feel over burdened. Remember there is a difference, I am not being asked to help, I feel the need to help. I can always seem to find time, or a reason to help someone else, but helping myself I never have time for. Can anyone relate to this? Like right now, I know there is someone who desperately needs my help, and I can make a decision to help them, but that decision will cause me stress and aggravation in the long run, but because it is someone I love, it is hard not to help. Here is a great little article I read, I think I will try it to see if it will work for me. http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=1657&page=3

Life is about choices

Life is funny, it's all about how you look At things, how your receive things, and How we choose to handle things. No one has a perfect life, even your favorite Stars, and entertainers, we all have good and Bad life experiences. It's about how we choose to allow Our circumstances affect our lives that make All the difference. You can take multiple people and Have them all face the same obstacle In life and one may get mad and complain, One may say "oh well, I can't change it So why get mad", and yet another may Say how can I get through this and keep Pressing on despite the challenges. This is the same with all life experiences, we all have a choice on how we choose To allow things affect us. So before you get upset, and allow things to Disrupt your life think; Can I change it? Is it worth worrying about? How can I overcome this? Take time to assess the situation And don't allow temporary situations To alter your life permanently. VSJ~ The Postal Pen

Taking back your power

Are you a pushover? Do you seem to be too nice? Are you always getting taken advantage of? Well if this is the case you need to take back your power. Sometimes it is ok to be nice, but there are some who will take your kindness for weakness. If you notice that people only come around when they need something from you, but when they are doing good, you don't hear from them. If you have a hard time of telling people NO, but realize when you need people they are nowhere to be found you need to regain your power. You are giving too much of yourself, your putting yourself in a position to be used, It's ok to help other's but to a certain extent. Some people are out to use you, and knowing that you are kind hearted, always willing to help and go out your way for others could be the result of you being an easy target. 5 Ways to take back your power 1- Set Boundaries When it comes to family and friends you often feel it you say NO it will hurt their feelings, saying NO is healthy, and sometimes very needed. If you tell them NO you can assist in helping them figure out solutions to help themselves, or guide them in the right direction to find the help they need. YOU are NOT, the solution, say NO with no guilt. You can't save the world and keep your sanity. 2-SAY NO! You can say NO without feeling guilty. Why should you burden yourself to help someone else then feel bad about it later? If saying yes, causes you stress, puts you in a situation that is not quite comfortable, or places a financial burden on you, then say NO. We must learn that it is OK for us to say NO. We can no please people all of the time, it is not selfish it is just sensible. 3-Don't give an answer right away Often times when someone is asking something of you, we are put in a situation to give an answer right away. NEVER say yes or agree to something because you are backed up against a wall. Tell the person,:(A few examples) 1- I can not make an informed decision right now. 2- Let me think about it, and get back to you. 3- I need to review my calendar to see if this works for me, I will get back to you. 4- I have to check with my family to see if this works for me Always buy yourself time to make an informed decision. NEVER make a decision based on their needs but first check to see if what is being asked of you, works for you. 4- Don't feel guilty I know if your a nice person, that you want people to like you, but you have to realize that people will not always like you all of the time. You do NOT have to constantly do things for others just to gain their respect, LIKE or friendship. It is OK, to say NO. We should not have to compromise our time, life, family, finances or anything else to make someone else's life easier. Say NO without guilt, if you were not there for them to ask, I am sure they would either: A- Ask someone else or, B- Find a way to do it themselves. 5-Don't be a people pleaser Live your life to be happy, not make others happy while your stressed, miserable or being put out of your way. Many people ask for others to do things for them, because they know that it is hard for others to say NO. Especially if you are that kind hearted person, always going above and beyond for someone else. People need to hear the word NO, it is a part of life. Practice these response's below: "I am sorry, but at this time I will not be able to help you", maybe you should ________________________. " I would love to help you, but at this time I have my own financial situation I am working on". "If I was going that way, I would surely give you a lift, but I have something I have to attend to, and it is in the opposite direction" "I am sorry, but I can't attend your event on that day, I have already made plans" " I am sorry you can't find a sitter, but I will not be able to watch your kids that day, I have already committed to something on that day" "I can't answer that question at this time, give me some time to think about it and get back to you" "When I get home, I will check my schedule, and see if I am open to help on that day" Learn to say NO, politely, but learn to say it! Also learn to Never say YES to something that you know you don't want to do. Until next time, The Postal Pen~